The Big Bang Theory’s Howard Joel Wolowitz is now the faithful husband of Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz and doting father to Halley and Neil (Michael). He has a core group of friends and a great job as an aerospace engineer. Once upon a time, however, Howard didn’t necessarily see marriage on the horizon (unless Angelina Jolie was into him for some reason). He tried dating (and sleeping with) as many women as he possibly could. While women didn’t always fall for his charms, he sure as heck tried his hardest with some iconic pickup lines.
Sure, most women weren’t really into being pursued by a “horny engineer,” but you can’t knock the guy for trying. Out of 279 episodes and 12 seasons, we found 10 super uncomfortable (and inappropriate) pick up lines from the one and only Howard Wolowitz.
Baby, You Turn My Floppy Disk Into A Hard Drive
Howard hasn’t dated many women but he sure does try to get into bed with them. Saying, “Baby, you turn my floppy disk in a hard drive” is classing Howard. Bringing his love for computers into the same arena as the bedroom is what Howard’s pickup lines are all about.
He doesn’t just ask a girl how she’s doing; no, that would be too gentleman-like. Instead, Howard goes in for the kill to separate him from the others.
Do You Like Motorcycles? ‘Cause I Ride A Hog
Does Howard drive a motorcycle? Eh, not quite. He drives a Vespa motor scooter for a majority of the 12 seasons until he gets a new car in the sixth season. Once you have a wife and two kids, the Vespa can’t really be a reliable source of transportation anymore. Once he got rid of his Vespa, he was given a new parking spot at work, which happened to be Sheldon’s spot. This, of course, resulted in a tit-for-tat match between the two friends/enemies.
In reference to his “hog,” however, I don’t think many women began dating or sleeping with Howard because of his bright red scooter.
I’m Like PI, Baby. I’m Really Long And I Go On Forever
PI has been described a few times in Big Bang Theory so it makes sense Howard used this constant as a pickup line. However, considering the women he eventually goes after, I don’t think too many are going to appreciate this goldmine of a pickup line.
PI is 3.14159… Sheldon, of course, knows the entirety of PI, so I guess that’s one pickup line he’d actually understand from Howard.
Is Your Name WIFI? Because I’m Feeling A Connection
WiFi seems to be the topic of conversation throughout The Big Bang Theory — especially since Penny takes the guys’ WiFi until she moves in with Leonard.
In this instance, Howard uses it as a major pickup line. The real question is, does the woman being hit on feel the connection as well? While he didn’t use this pickup line towards Penny, her reactions to his pickup lines are pretty telling throughout… (i.e. make them stop!)
Does Your V-Card Have A Code? Because I Will Hack It
Oh, Howard, I don’t think hacking anyone’s virginity is a good idea! This is one of those pickup lines that don’t really age well, especially in the wake of the #MeToo movement. We do have to give Howard some credit for putting this line together though — it’s definitely a first.
Remember when he saw Summer Glau on the train and he thought of the pickup line, “it’s hot in here, it must be Summer”? He said it to himself probably 30 times before Raj got sick of him and took the pickup line himself!
I Wish I Was Your Differential Homework, Then I’d Be Really Hard And You’d Be Doing Me On Your Desk
Everyone can understand where this joke is heading even if they don’t really understand what differential equations are (but seriously, how does one explain a differential equation?). Wikipedia explains differential equations as a “function with its derivatives.”
You know, in case that clears anything up. Nevertheless, the only person who would understand this pickup line would be his wife, so thank the universe they found each other!
Baby, You Must Be Made Of Mica Rock, ‘Cause You Have The Perfect Cleavage
It’s interesting that Howard used a pickup line revolving around a mineral considering the group makes fun of geology like it’s their job. Nevertheless, Howard will poke fun at anything if it means he can woo a woman to his sheets.
In The Big Bang Theory, Bert is the geology genius who works at Caltech with the rest of the squad. Although he’s a sweet guy who gets excited by new friends, he’s not always treated with the most respect.
Come Back To My Lab, And I Will Show That The Big Bang Is Not Just A Theory
With an awesome play on words based on the sitcom’s title, Howard proves he will do and say anything to try and impress a woman. How can we forget the moment we find out Howard lost his virginity to one of his cousins?!
He became enraged at the thought of Stuart bringing his mother to their make-shift prom, so instead, he brings Jeanie — a cousin of Howard’s whom he lost his virginity to. As you can see, it doesn’t even matter if you’re family at this point; when Howard sees an opportunity – he goes all in.
You Have 206 Bones In Your Body, Want 207?
This is a classic Howard Wallowitz line. Somehow—as we can see by all of these pickup lines—Howard thinks he’s a full-fledge ladies man; but in reality, he’s anything but. He’s actually quite perverted and embarrasses his friends by being so upfront.
Along with his pickup lines, Howard does his best to bring his love of magic and cards into his wooing, but it’s safe to say they don’t work too often…
I Wish I Was DNA Helicase That Way I Could Unzip Your Genes
The thought of having children terrifies Howard, but after meeting Bernadette, the idea of being a dad is something he longs for. However, he later finds out that Bernadette isn’t even sure if she wants to have kids. In fact, the idea is something that stresses her out because she loves her career so much.
Eventually, as we find out, Bernadette does get pregnant unexpectedly and the two love their babies while also keeping their careers. So, in reference to his pickup line revolving around DNA and genes, he would have succeeded if this was said to Bernadette!
