Wouldn’t it have been nice to have someone there to guide us through the horrors of puberty? A creature who could teach us how to properly control our hormonal urges and help us grow into stronger (and less terribly awkward) individuals? Well luckily for Andrew, he is able to have this puberty-guidance in the form of his very own hormone monster.
Maury is easily one of the funniest and most essential characters on Big Mouth, and with season 3 coming up, we want to honor him by finding his funniest lines.
Here are Maury’s 10 most hilarious quotes in the series.
10. “SPOKEN LIKE A TWO-FACED F**KIN’ GEMINI”
Maurice: “I know I’m a broken record with this but mercury is in retrograde.”
Andrew: “Enough with the astrology!”
Maurice: “Spoken like a two-faced f**kin Gemini…”
One of the best relationships in the series is between Andrew Globerman and his hormone monster, Maury. Listening to these two as they interact is not only side-splittingly hilarious but it is also a (sadly) accurate depiction of how most people think when they are struggling through puberty.
Although Maury is mostly representative of Andrew’s darkest and most perverted thoughts, he sometimes proves himself as an individual who buys into astrology and can’t stand two-faced Geminis…
9. “GOODNIGHT YOU PRINCE OF WESTCHESTER, YOU KING OF THE TRI-STATE AREA”
Maury says this to Andrew before he goes to sleep, and at this point, we are all kind of wishing that we had our very own hormone monsters while growing up. If we had a hormone monster, they would not only help us go through puberty but apparently they’d wish us goodnight in the most awesome and amazing way possible. Who wouldn’t want to be given such praise, especially at that age when we were our most awkward and self-conscious selves?
8. “ANDREW, I THINK THE MOTHER AND SISTER ARE ABOUT TO F***”
It’s safe to say that Maury has a bit of a twisted mind. He is the hormone monster after all, and therefore he doesn’t have much control over his wildly inappropriate thoughts. We are curious as to how this guy managed to get through all of life being the way that he is, but we totally love him anyway. He is easily one of Nick Kroll’s most hilarious characters and that’s saying a lot because Kroll tends to be the master of creating the funniest personas alongside John Mulaney.
7. “I MEAN, MAYBE IF IT’S ANIMATED WE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT”
It’s honestly mindblowing how much Big Mouth has been able to get away with, but luckily for the series, Netflix is pretty lenient when it comes to their original content. Like South Park and Family Guy before it, Big Mouth is one of those animated TV shows that’s able to get away with a whole lot more simply because it is a cartoon.
We are so thrilled that Netflix allows Kroll’s series to be as outrageous and vulgar as it wants to be, because “outrageous” and “vulgar” are the perfect words used to describe our experiences with growing pains.
6. “PUBERTY FAIRY?! I’M THE HORMONE MONSTER.”
Maury: “Puberty Fairy?! I’m the hormone monster. I’m no fairy. I mean sure I like to f*** around with dudes, but I’m no fairy.”
You’ve got to hand it to the puberty fairy - eh, hormone monster - that although he can be crass and wildly inappropriate, he is an extremely open-minded individual. It is important to give credit where credit is due, and we are so happy that Maury is such a free-spirited and inclusive monster because he teaches Andrew to be the same way.
5. “MAYBE ONE DAY YOU’LL LOOK BACK ON THIS TIME FONDLY AND PERHAPS EVEN MAKE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OUT OF IT.”
“Look, I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day you’ll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.”
Funnily enough, series creators Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg based the series around their own painfully awkward middle school experiences that were dominated by shame and embarrassment. Yet to be frank, who hasn’t had a middle school experience that centered around feelings of shame and embarrassment?
Practically everyone can relate to the sweaty cringe-fest of junior high that is being portrayed on Big Mouth and it seems as though Kroll and Goldberg have created something beautiful out of their misfortunes. How hopeful is that?
4. “LOOK AT HER GOIN’ TO TOWN ON THAT HUMMUS…”
Nick’s hormone’s monster points this out to Andrew in the cafeteria as Missy “goes to town on that hummus.” This is one of Maury’s most hilarious lines because this guy is able to make the least sexy situation seem way too hot to handle. Something as mundane and bland as eating a chickpea spread is still somehow wildly sensual in the hormone monster’s eyes and it is just the purest form of comedy gold. We will probably never be able to eat hummus again without thinking of Maury’s words… and we’re oddly okay with that.
3. “YOU’RE A LITTLE F**KIN’ FREAK, I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU”
This quote accurately describes how we feel around our closest friends. No one wants to be around someone who is polite and proper all of the time, especially not Maury. The great thing about this series is that it teaches you to embrace your inner freak and not be so timid and afraid of it. Maury may arguably be crazy, but at least he teaches the middle schoolers how to accept themselves rather than having them constantly feel ashamed for their wild imaginations.
2. “YOU LOOK LIKE A HOT HUNK OF CHEESE”
Maurice says this to Matthew as he helps him get ready for the most dreaded day of all - Valentine’s Day. Matthew personally cannot stand the holiday dedicated to love, because it makes him feel alone. He struggles as he is the only “out” kid at his school and because of this he feels like there’s never anyone for him while everyone else gets to find love and explore their feelings. Luckily, he meets someone in “My Furry Valentine”, and of course he does, why wouldn’t he? Being a “hot hunk of cheese” and all, he’s bound to find some lovin'.
1. “THIS KID IS A GODD*MN PRODIGY I THINK HE’S HIS OWN HORMONE MONSTER.”
Andrew’s hormone monster says this as he observes Jay Bilzerian in full-blown action. Jay is constantly filled with energy and he is arguably the most hormonal kid out of the bunch, which is often the cause of his many problems. (Remember when he got his pillow pregnant?). Instead of reprimanding the kid for his obnoxious ways, Maury sees him as a prodigy and a world-class hero who doesn’t need any guidance because he is basically his own hormone monster. We think he might be on to something…
