Big Mouth is a show filled with rich personalities that keep us coming back for more. The Netflix Original Series revolves around a group of middle schoolers in Long Island who are experiencing all of the uncomfortable changes brought on by puberty. Luckily, with the help of their very own Hormone Monsters, they are able to (somewhat) get by. Excuse me, but where the heck were our hormone monsters when we were growing up??
Let’s take a look at which Hogwarts houses our favorite characters from Big Mouth would be sorted into. Shall we?
JAY BILZERIAN - GRYFFINDOR
Jay Bilzerian is the perfect fit for the house of Gryffindor due to his everlasting bravery. This kid is so unashamed to be his true authentic self that he can sometimes get into trouble because of it. His shameless approach to life is both admirable and (sometimes) wildly inappropriate.
But really, what more can you expect from a hormonal teenage boy who’s “going through changes?” He is so brutally honest that even Maury the hormone monster says, “I think this kid is his own hormone monster.” Someone who is that fearless has to be in the house of Gryffindor (and we’re not just quoting Jay’s dad’s law commercials).
JESSI GLASER - RAVENCLAW
Jessi Glaser is the perfect example of a Ravenclaw student. She is studious, intelligent, and the ultimate activist when it comes to supporting the causes that she feels most passionately about. Out of all of her friends, she seems to be the one who cares the most about leaving an impact on the world and making a change that will ultimately create a more justified universe. She works hard for what she desires and this makes her seem like the best possible version of a Ravenclaw.
NICK BIRCH - SLYTHERIN
Things took a dark and unexpected turn at the end of season 3 on Big Mouth when Andrew Glouberman let out some insightful truth bombs about Nick Birch as a person. Although it was a gradual process, we slowly realized how Nick has a tendency to only think about himself and his own needs.
It is arguably normal behavior for a kid who is experiencing all of these hormonal changes, but still, it doesn’t excuse his selfish behavior. He has the potential to grow and improve, we think, but his self absorbed and at times arrogant behavior makes us think he would be a Slytherin.
CONNIE - GRYFFINDOR
Nick and Jessie’s hormone monster, Connie, is the quintessential Gryffindor. She exudes confidence and bravery, and she probably would spend the majority of her time at Hogwarts in the prefect’s bathroom so she can have a nice bubble bath. Connie, voiced by the hilariously talented Maya Rudolf, is the queen of fearlessness and she teaches Jessie how to love herself just the way she is. Her bravery and loyalty just scream Gryffindor. We would only be so lucky to have her as our own hormone monster…
ANDREW GLOUBERMAN - HUFFLEPUFF
At the end of the day, Andrew Glouberman will do anything for the people that he cares most about. Sometimes, he might stumble along the way and make the wrong move, but he is trying to better himself and to grow into a more progressive and caring individual. His dedication to Nick, regardless of all the times he has let him down, is a move that screams Hufflepuff. Andrew would be nothing without his closest friends and he accepts them just the way they are, regardless of how wild at times they may seem.
MISSY FOREMAN-GREENWALD - RAVENCLAW
Missy is such a Ravenclaw, it hurts. Everything about her character emanates creativity and intelligence, two of the most sought after and well-respected traits in the house of the eagle. You will often find Missy with her nose stuck in a book (especially if that book happens to revolve around the love story between Gustavo and Fatima).
Some people may find her a bit geeky due to the fact that she doesn’t care all that much about her social status and seems to care more about literature along with her favorite tv shows (that involve Nathan Fillion). Sounds like she would fit in just right with the house of Ravenclaw!
LOLA SKUMPY - SLYTHERIN
Lola is easily one of the most hilarious characters on Big Mouth, and this is due to her blunt personality along with her shameless ability to say whatever comes to mind. Although we are obsessed with her character, sometimes this girl can be downright mean. She prides herself as being the “mean girl” of the school, and she can put Regina George to shame due to some of her harsh digs. Lola gets a total kick out of wreaking havoc, and this is why she would make an awesome Slytherin.
Move aside, Draco Malfoy- Lola is the true mastermind of the Slytherin house.
MATTHEW MACDELL - SLYTHERIN
Matthew is the queen of mean on Big Mouth, and his insults are so intense that they put Draco Malfoy’s digs to shame. Seriously, this kid is so good at creating rude comebacks that he could bring Lord Voldemort to tears. As the series progresses, we realize his mean nature is just the result of insecurities and being unable to figure out his own identity. Yet soon we realize he is a lot more sensitive than he makes himself out to be and we believe his attitude is just a middle school phase that he will soon grow out of.
MAURY - GRYFFINDOR
Maury the hormone monster is absolutely fearless and the fact that he has no filter makes him seem like a total Gryffindor. He is never afraid to say exactly what is on his mind, which makes sense, considering he is a hormone monster.
If it wasn’t for his sense of certainty when it comes to topics revolving around puberty, who knows how Andrew Glouberman would be able to get through junior high? Not only is he brave but he is incredibly loyal to not only the kids, but the other hormone monsters as well. Sound like a Gryffindor? We thought so too.
COACH STEVE - HUFFLEPUFF
Coach Steve is the ultimate oddball and we’ve encountered goldfish with bigger brains than this guy, but we still can’t help but adore him as a character. Although he never knows what’s going on, he is still an extremely warm and kindhearted person. He puts his friends first no matter what and his selfless behavior makes him seem like a Hufflepuff to us. Yet picturing Coach Steve at Hogwarts is quite the amusing thought. Just imagining the interactions between Coach Steve and Professor Snape is too hilarious for words.
