Rudy might not always understand social cues or normalcy, but he is probably the funniest character in the Bless This Mess television series. He was great in Season 1, but the second season brought about more laughs and hilarious lines. The show wouldn’t be the same without him, and certain lines point to the exact reason why.
We have compiled a list of Rudy’s best quotes throughout Season 2, as each line he utters has us crying from laughter. The singular way he utters his lines, combined with his odd nature only adds fuel to the fire. Keep reading to learn about 10 of Rudy’s funniest quotes from Bless This Mess Season 2!
“Oh, heads up, Tracy the goat lost a tooth in your kitchen the other day. Wouldn’t be walking around barefoot.
Rudy is sitting in the barn casually brushing his teeth when Mike enters to go about his normal duties. They have a short conversation where Rudy ends with this snippet. Mike wonders why he didn’t pick it up so he didn’t have to warn him, and this entire ordeal left us laughing.
It is so relatable in terms of our own lives as we all know that one person who refuses to pick up after themselves and decides they are obstacles for others to work around. This was a great way to open up the season as we start to see what direction they have decided to take with his character.
“You do that and I walk. No one gives me a bed for free.”
This is Rudy’s conversation with Constance’s son named Brandon as he shows up at the door before Constance can tell her son about their relationship. She makes up the lie that Rudy is there to buy the bed, and this is his response when Brandon offers to give it to him for free.
It is a hilarious interaction as we can’t quite understand why Rudy wouldn’t take him up on the offer to take it off of his hands for free. It is just another instance where his social normalcy was off the mark, but it left us with laughter that we will never forget.
“Okay, now that you know what I’m after, do you want to arm wrestle? Engage in some other contest of physical dominance?”
Rudy responds to Brandon with this quote after he reveals that he knows Rudy is dating his mother. This is what Rudy thinks the next step in their relationship will be as he understands that males in the wild fight for alpha status.
He knows he isn’t equipped for a full-fledged fight, but he figures he might be able to win an arm-wrestling contest. Luckily, Brandon says they don’t need to do that and all he cares about is their happiness, but we might have liked to see a variety of these contests between the two men.
“Constance, before you go to Omaha, I wanted to give you something no other man could. So here’s my social security card. I trust you won’t steal my identity the way you’ve stolen my heart.”
Rudy wants to please Constance with romantic gestures, but this is one that is a bit off the mark. He decides that the best way to profess his love is by gifting her his social security card. It was a twist no viewer saw coming, especially when Constance accepted the gesture with open arms.
We know he meant well, but we still don’t think this was the right move on his part, seeing how easy it is to lose this small piece of paper. It was a hilarious interaction between these two as more nonsense spills out of his mouth, and we can’t wait to hear more as the season progresses.
“Don’t be dense Mike, that’s a dogbone wrap.”
Mike is the editor of the paper for the annual Founder’s Day, and he learns that Rudy’s grandfather might be the founder rather than Kent’s. Rudy shows him his in full of artifacts from his past when Mike comes across the real founder’s cape as it is covered in bullet holes.
Rudy has been using it to wrap old dogbones with and considers Mike an idiot for thinking it is anything else. After Mike declares he can use it for his story, Rudy asks what else he should wrap his dogbones with, and it leaves even the viewers a bit concerned.
“Ho, ho, ho. White gold.”
Rudy calls this out as he watches toilet paper rain down over his barn after he tells Jacob not to stop the teenagers from teepeeing it. He plans to stock up on this product for the rest of the year to save himself quite a bit of money.
It is genius, and a bit strange, but it left all of the viewers laughing as they witnessed his joy as the paper fluttered down in front of his eyes. We can only imagine how long it took him to collect it all after the kids through it on the roof, and we have a feeling we would have liked to see it.
“I’ll do anything you ask, except exercise. I don’t really enjoy it, and I don’t wanna get ripped.”
This is Rudy’s response after Constance askes him to entertain Brandon for the day, and we have to agree the thought of Rudy and exercise don’t mix. It seems like a plausible thing for him never to do, but the thought of him becoming overly muscular is hysterical.
He was that strange kid on the playground as a child, and not the one doing constant pullups on the monkey bars. This is why this proclamation of his limits has viewers rolling as we try and imagine him performing any sort of extracurricular activity involving excessive exercise.
“Cause we might unleash something we can’t contain.”
Rudy invites Brandon to partake in his relaxing activity where he bends spoons and bonds them together to create humanlike figures. Brandon decides to take it to the next level by bringing them to life with advanced robotics.
Rudy is an old school guy who sees this development as dangerous, and he unveils this fear in this statement. Viewers everywhere were laughing after this line as they learned this fact about him and fans can only imagine his reactions with other pieces of modern-day technology.
“Oh boy, oh boy. This could be it. I could spin completely out of control. No, I’ve got a handle on it, we’re good.”
Rudy spews this out after he flips the table when he learns that Constance and he lost the card game. Kent grabs his wife in the background as they fear for their lives and Rudy’s mental state when he loses. Luckily, Rudy has a handle on his emotions and the outburst was all for nothing.
It was a twist that viewers never expected as he is generally even-tempered, and it gave them lots of laughs at the end of this episode. We doubt Rudy will ever follow through on any of his reactions, but we will continue to watch as we wonder if one day he will snap.
“I would take a bike to get to the rocket. How do you get to the rocket?”
Rudy confronts his ex-wife about her comment about him being the worst lover of all time, and she works with her new husband to explain where he went wrong. Randy, the new love of her life, asks Rudy if he would take a bike or a rocket to make it to Mars.
This is Rudy’s response to his question, in which Randy tells him he would take another rocket. He is still obviously a bit confused about his abilities in this department based on their conversation, but it was a hilarious exchange between these two gentlemen.
